Valentines Day

Today was Valentines Day. My husband took the morning off.  We had coffee and pastries. They were delicious so we decided to take some to my sister, who is magnificently, beautifully, with child. We deliver them and of course stay to chat. We stayed through part of nap time so baby fell asleep in the car. Arrived home tried to get sweet girl down for a nap but she won't go. We try to read together, but she's busy and we're distracted.  She needs to eat, he gets a call and it's over.  The whole morning gone and me in tears. and don't even know why. You see it's not the day. We've gone plenty of days without celebrating. It's just the need. This need in me. Longing to feel precious, longing to be valued, special. I try to get it together so I can go to work.  All smiles where the students can't see. Broken, not quite right heart. And I pray I ask and I ask to see, because all my problems lately are seeing problems. And I let go, I let go of my expectations and I love. I love him the way I would want to be loved and I plan and prepare and seek to know his heart and what would please him. You see I know him. I know he loves me and that he does not hold my heart lightly. The Lord begins to open the shutters for me and I see. I can see blessing. Baby girl snuggles and man-child full of laughter Jokes all the way to piano lessons and back. And when I return home. He is there the man that I know loves me. And I know it has hurt his heart that I cry. And he speaks soft things to me. Tells me he's sorry, I'm not silly, he's gone to the Lord, he loves me. And I know and I see. And I know that the seeing is the grace of God. I was blind but now I see. An almost daily occurrence for me. And I know I am loved by the giver of sight. The one who does not leave me stuck in darkness, but opens my eyes and my heart and my mind that I may see!